Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the race. Maybe it was due to something on today’s list of the Top Signs It’s Time to End Your Presidential Campaign.
–You support the principles of Washington, Jefferson and Franklin. But their first names are Denzel, George and Aretha.
–You came out against STRAIGHT marriage.
–You talk frequently about your belief in God . . . zilla.
–During a confused moment on the campaign trail, you kissed hands and shook babies.
–You’re catering to wealthy Americans. And they no longer exist.
–Your position on PACs is that he’s the cutest of Angelina Jolie’s kids.
–Your campaign slogan is “Screw it! The world is gonna end this year anyway.”
–The only artist who’ll let you use their songs in your ads is Rebecca Black.
–Someone leaked that video of you ringing in the New Year by clubbing a baby seal to death with a tire iron.
–Political experts describe you as John Kerry, minus the charisma.
–As crazy as it sounds, maybe the best way to show your strong belief in family values WASN’T to have that affair with your niece.
–Your secret strategy for the debates is to keep yelling, “I know you are, but what am I?!?”
–As a devout family man, you hate that your campaign schedule keeps you away from your family. Not to mention, your mistress.
–Instead of an American flag pin, you insist on showing your patriotism with a “These Colors Don’t Run” airbrushed tank-top.
–Your campaign strategy consists of distributing stickers of Calvin peeing on Barack Obama.
–You’re fed up with pretending you care about gays, brown people, women or the poor.
–You just got your homely housekeeper pregnant.
–Turns out people frown on smoking crack with prostitutes.
–In the latest polls, you’re finishing behind Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Jerry Sandusky.
–Your biggest celebrity supporter is Sinbad.
–Rick Perry beat you on an IQ test.
–Your wife just endorsed Mitt Romney.
–You were caught in romantic encounters with Chaz Bono . . . before AND after the change.
–You were part of a study that proved it’s possible to have less charisma than Mitt Romney.
–You’re a rational, well-reasoned individual with high moral fiber.