Since Chaz Bono is looking to buy a penis soon, we thought we’d help him out with today’s list of the Top Pieces of Advice for Chaz Bono Shopping for a Penis.
–If you plan to buy a fake one, don’t hesitate to call your mom. She knows a lot about plastics.
–Make sure you attach it right-side up or you’ll have a nightmare using the urinal.
–If you ever want to run for Congress, DON’T Tweet a picture of it.
–Remember, it’s susceptible to temperature. So if it looks shriveled when it arrives packed in ice, don’t freak out.
–Don’t ask for the “Jon Gosselin Special.”
–Don’t go to anyone who says they’ve worked on Michael Jackson.
–Don’t worry about the crazy chicks who aren’t turned on when you wink and remind them you can’t spell “sexual reassignment surgery” without “sex”.
–If you get a sudden urge to buy a Porsche . . . you bought one that’s too small.
–If the salesman asks if you want a “hoodie”, he’s not talking about a sweatshirt.