Having a company Christmas party? Hopefully it will be a ton of fun . . . and nothing like anything on this list of the Top Signs You’re at a Bad Office Christmas Party.
–No one in line for karaoke is laughing at the Asian guy from Accounts Receivable singing “Horry Jorry Christmas”.
–When you ask the host why your shoes are sticking to the floor, he says, “Someone got a little TOO excited to be under mistletoe.”
–The entertainment is Bell and Biv . . . but not DeVoe.
–For some strange reason, it’s hard to get excited about a party with the people you spend 40 hours a week silently loathing.
–You work at a synagogue.
–Everyone keeps sarcastically complimenting you on your “gay apparel.”
–Just because he’s the boss’ favorite, Eugene from Accounting gets to play the Christmas Elf again . . . even though he’s 6-foot-2.
–Not a single person put their junk in a box.
–Todd from Receiving is performing a one-man play based on how he’s going to come out to his parents on Christmas Eve.
–This year, the boss turns the conga line into more of a “human centipede.”
–Your Secret Santa gave you anal beads.
–The homeless guy they hired to play Santa in order to save a few bucks drank all the eggnog and yakked on the cheese platter.
–Instead of an open bar, there’s a box where you can make donations to help the boss with his gambling problem.
–Even though they’re dressed as elves, the prostitutes are clearly phoning in the holiday spirit.
–Your secretary keeps talking about how the doctor said her recent lack of flare-ups is a “Christmas miracle.”
–Your loser coworkers are refusing to get drunk and do anything that could jeopardize their careers.
–There’s a lot of whispering about what kind of Godless infidel would have a holiday party at Christmas instead of Ramadan.
–Nobody has compromised their marriage with the office skank.
–No mistletoe and weak eggnog leave you without an excuse to make a pass at Alexis in Accounting.
–Everyone’s mad because you had one too many and accidentally shanked Steve from Accounting.
–The only coworker waiting to make out with you in the janitor’s closet is the janitor.