Tomorrow is the day we gather with friends and family to give thanks for all our blessings. And just in case you forgot some of them, we now give you the Top Things You’re Thankful For This Thanksgiving.
–Your computer’s “clear history” function.
–That thing on Aaron Neville’s forehead.
–Toddlers in Indonesia that smoke cigarettes. Hiiiilarious!
–The fact “Angry Birds” is so easy to play while driving on the freeway.
–The knowledge that when life gets too tough, Dr. Conrad Murray can always administer a hearty dose of Propofol.
–That you don’t share an accountant with Wesley Snipes.
–That you turned down that boat ride with Robert Wagner.
–That you’ve only had to hear Christmas music for the past eight weeks.
–The knowledge that even if you suffer 50 concussions in your annual family Thanksgiving football game, you’ll still have a better memory than Rick Perry.
–The NFL for once again giving Thanksgiving Day games to awesome teams like the Dolphins.
–That there’s enough booze to keep Mama happy until she passes out at 4.
–Obama was just voted out of office. Wait, that’s Things You’re Thankful for NEXT Thanksgiving.
–There’s only one more “Twilight” movie left.
–That Barack Obama only has one more year to finish screwing up the economy.
–America for giving students from all walks of life the chance to go to college and get pepper sprayed by police.
–Black Friday only comes once a year, but Rebecca Black’s “Friday” only comes once in a lifetime.